Day 1 End the Pain. Save the Marriage.


1. First it is critical to understand the true costs of divorce. When you are in pain, it often appears that a divorce can give you quick relief. But most times, especially if you have children, divorce only increases the pain you have to endure over a very, very long time. Divorce is similar to a marital suicide: You really don’t want to end your marriage. You just want to end the pain. So the marriage dies, but the pain doesn’t go away. It simply transfers to the ones you love.

  • Article: The real costs of divorce (attached)
  • Questions:
    • Besides money, what are some of the impacts of divorce on all concerned?
    • What is the failure rate of second marriages?
    • Why is absence of the father one of the largest factors in the depression of teen girls?
    • Why does divorce traumatize children? What are some of the later, predictable effects of broken families on children?
    • Why does dating/remarriage often traumatize children?

2. Hopefully you understand how high the stakes are to saving your marriage. At this point you need to make a commitment to re-engage with your spouse and work faithfully on SYM 90. Half-hearted efforts won’t work and will waste everyone’s time, effort, and finances. Just like going through the motions at the gym won’t save your health, they won’t save your marriage either.Commit to engage every day to dig deep, share, and get out of your comfort zone, and you will save more than your marriage. You will save your family, your sanity, your finances and your children’s future. You won’t be sorry that you worked the program. You will have loads of regret if you don’t.

    • Please print out and sign the attached Commitment to Re-Engage Document now.
    • Display in a visible place for the next 90 days. (This could be a photo on your phone)

3.  Safety from pain: Learn how to stay physically and emotionally safe with the Couples’ Time Out. Please read the article on the 10 Rules for Couples’ Time Out. You will discuss this with your spouse later.

    • Article: Rules for Couples’ Time Out (attached)

4. One of the best-researched practices to shift our attitude is to practice gratitude. It is easy, fast, and doesn’t cost any money. This is a practice you will want to engage in every day of the rest of your life if you want to be happy in any family relationship.

    • Video: Smart Start: Gratitude
    • Express Gratitude 5x daily for rest of your marriage. Set your phone for every 2 hours.
    • Pray or meditate for the welfare of your marriage and spouse daily.

Spouse Connection

  • Sign the Commitment to “Re-engagement” to engage in the SYM 90 program and disengage from negativity for at least 90 days
  • Express desire to your spouse to have a good relationship and make it work for each other.
  • Discuss how your Couples’ Time-out will operate.
  • Fill out the Couples’ Time Out Agreement together
  • Use Couples’ time-out when necessary, and obey the rules you have decided upon.
  • Stop whatever pursuing, nagging, pleading, whining, or complaining behavior you have been engaging in.
  • Start your 5x daily gratitude for your spouse habit.

Congratulations! You have completed Day 1 of the Save Your Marriage in 90 Days! Most of the other lessons will be shorter, by the way. . . Whew!


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